Forget me not.

Wikipedia Photo by Bernhard Kohl 

My original plan was to sleep through today. The neighbor's contractor had other plans for me. The sound of hammers and the jarring sounds of 2x4's being dropped  was the first noises I heard this morning. I walked into the kitchen and hubby was watching the "replay" of that horrible morning's events. So, since it seems I can't escape it.... I will write.

We all remember where we were and what we did that day. I remember being home alone. My husband left for work at 6am, I'd finished cleaning up after breakfast and had just sat down with my tea to watch the Today Show. I remember flipping channels and seeing a report on another station about a small aircraft hitting one of the Twin Towers. The nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach began as I changed the channel back to see if the Today Show had any more information. Then moments later, it happened again.... then once more in Pennsylvania. I remember a lot of things from that day, like the silence in the air. I'm not just talking about the lack of aircraft. Even the birds were silent that day.. it was eerie. There are a lot of things I wish I could forget... like watching people leap out of buildings and watching the world we knew come to an end.

One memory in particular stands out from that day. I remember an Ernst and Young Associate that I'd spoken to while working as a Corporate Travel Agent for American Express a couple of years prior to the attacks. The day we spoke the fire alarms went off in my building. When he asked what the noise in the back ground was, I answered "it's just the fire alarm.. it's no big deal" and explained that it had been the third one that day. Unfortunately, fire alarms and bomb threats were an almost weekly occurrence for us, we had a "prankster" in the building. Many in the building had become complacent about leaving when the alarms went off.. me included. He became really upset with me and asked which floor I was on. When I said it was the 9th floor, he scolded me for staying. He insisted I take his phone number, and leave the building immediately. I did as he asked and got down to the lobby, only to be told to return to my desk... it was another false alarm. When I called him back he informed me that he was based at the World Trade Center and  had been in the building during the previous attempt on the WTC in 1993. He said I should never take those alarms for granted and made me promise to leave the building when they went off again. I never heard from him after that day. I left that job in 1999.

On September 11th, 2001... I remembered him. He was the first person that came to mind. I prayed for him. I wondered if he was in the building and hoped he made it out. I'm embarrassed to say, I don't remember his name. But I do remember his voice and his advice... "get out of the building"... and hope that he did.  

The Midnight Ramblings of an Insomniac.

Here goes another night with little to no sleep. I'm beginning to wonder what's going on. Have I reset my internal clock? or is there something really wrong with me? (don't answer that) I am even beginning to envy the Chiiq. The Chiiq is our 4yr old Shih'Tzu. If sleeping were a sport... she'd be an Olympic level competitor. She can sleep any time, any place and in any position. She sleeps on her back, on my back, on her side, and has even been known to cover her head with what ever article of clothing has fallen out of the laundry basket to block out the light. At the moment she is asleep in my work room, blissfully unaware of my insomnia. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. I do love it when she starts to dream. Her little paws start wiggling and she makes the funniest little noise. It sounds like "bwooop, bwooop, bwooop" and it makes me giggle everytime she does it. This year she started howling in her sleep and she always wakes up startled afterwards. Then she falls asleep immediately after. If only I could accomplish the same thing. The lack of sleep is beginning to affect my memory, ability to focus and I keep feeling like I'm coming down with a cold. A few nights ago I tried beading until I got sleepy. The only thing I accomplished was to drop more beads than I strung. At that point I thought I was ready to sleep... no such luck there. Earlier today I almost fell out of a chair in the kitchen. I started to doze off while eating a sandwich. So, I went to bed and then couldn't sleep. This evening, out of desperation, I took a sleeping pill. As you can see, it isn't working. I slept soundly for 2hours and now my mind is racing once more. It is now 1:20am and here I am rambling like an idiot. To top it all off, my eyelid is twitching again!! This has  been going on for about a week or more. Apparently it is a result of eyestrain, lack of sleep, stress, and too much caffeine. And guess what... all four of those apply to me. Yes, I know I need to cut out the caffeine, but that's the only way I can stay awake during the day. Most nights I wait until my eyes are tearing from the constant yawning. But then, I get into bed and I am wide awake. The car seems to be the only place I can sleep. Something about the hum of the motor and the a/c that just knocks me out. No worries, hubby is always the one driving. I'm thinking that perhaps we need a long road trip so I can get a decent "night's" sleep. But, that's not gonna happen. Today, I even considered laying on the floor next to my monster, to see if I might get some rest too. It didn't work. It's now almost 2am and my eyelids are starting to get heavy and I feel myself tipping out of my chair once more. Perhaps it's time to try again. Hopefully my body will decide it's had enough and will demand rest soon. If not, then this will be my days and nights.. wide awake and half asleep.